A convert to Unitarian Universalism has to explain herself to her concerned guardian angel.

UU:
Dear kindly Guardian Angel, some churches I was in
Made virtue sound so awful, I craved a taste of sin
I felt I couldn't dare be myself and still belong
Churches scare me, that's why I went wrong

Chorus:
Gee Guardian Angel, they led us astray
They told us truth was black and white but we found it gray
They said they could tell us what's good and what's bad
But we decided we've been had (UU: I've been had!)
We've been had, we've been had, and it makes us mad
By our old religions we've been had

Voice: That's such a good story!
UU: Lemme tell it to the world!
Voice: Just tell it in confession!

UU to priest:
I never say my rosary, I don't much like the Pope
The Sunday service bores me, unless I'm high on dope
By Unitarian standards, I'm pretty well behaved
Do I stand a chance of being saved?

Priest:
Gee Guardian Angel, just where have you been?
How could you let this woman fall so deep into sin?
This liberal religion's a plague on the land
All Unitarians are damned! (UU: I am damned?)

Chorus:
We are damned, we are damned, and we've all been banned
By our old religions we are damned

Priest: For your penance say three million Hail Marys, and spend a year in a convent.
UU: So it's true. The wages of sin ARE death!
Voice: So take her to Mother Superior.

UU to Mother Superior:
You say God doesn't hate me; He only means me well
Then why did he create me if He knew I'd go to hell?
If God is so all-knowing, why can't He understand?
I'm still growing, I do the best I can.

Mother Superior:
Gee Guardian Angel, get back on your cloud
You shoulda told her asking questions isn't allowed
Heretical doctrines cannot be excused
She's theologically confused (UU: I'm confused)

Chorus:
We're confused, we're confused, but don't blame UUs,
By our old religions we're confused.

Mother Superior: I won't have you in my convent as long as you're under an evil spell.  This UU religion is a work of the devil!
UU: Hey! I'm distressed on accounta I'm possessed!
Voice: So take her to an exorcist!

UU to exorcist:
I like the Dalai Lama, Muhammad was okay
I'd like to follow Buddha, and meditate all day
I'd like to study Talmud, and argue endlessly
Wish they all could be a part of me

Exorcist:
Gee Guardian Angel, no devils I find
No self respecting devil would inhabit this mind
The UU experience has scrambled her brain
She's not bedeviled she's insane! (UU: I'm insane!)

Chorus:
We're insane, we're insane, and it's so ingrained
That is how we'll probably remain.

The trouble is she's witty
The trouble is she thinks
The trouble is self-pity
The trouble is she drinks
The trouble is she's dangerous
A lusty femme fatale
Angel, she is just our kinda gal!

Gee Guardian Angel, what are we to do?
'Cause no one else will have us but our crazy UUs
Gee Guardian Angel, what more can we say?
Gee, Guardian Angel, go way!